Change- For better or worse?

Well the dreaded day came and went. I boohooed all the way to work, a little while at work, the entire way home from work, and even later that night as I layed Mason down to sleep.

What did I learn from this first day of life as a working mom you might ask?

Don't go back to work!

No, not really, but at the moment that is how I am feeling. It is just feels so incredibly unnatural to leave your child with another person while you go sit in traffic and slave away at a computer all day. The truth is it was the little things that really got to me throughout the day. Not getting to hear Mason laugh and giggle because he was already tired from the long day when I got home. Having another person's smell on Mason instead of his own unique scent that I had grown to love. Not being old enough yet to appreciate when mom walks through the door after a long day away. Wasting hours in the car driving to and from work when I could be soaking up every second instead with my son. And all the while knowing that someone is taking care of him and doing things their own way after months of trying to get the hang of being a mom.

Yes all that ran through my head last night as I layed in bed. Which made day two way worse than day one. How ironic it is though that a two day growth spurt before I went back to work led to Mason sleeping through the night after my first day back at work. I put him down to sleep at 8 o'clock and had to wake him up at 5:30 this morning to eat before I left for work. So bitter sweet. Now that I am quenched for time with my son he decides to sleep through the night and take another half hour of precious time away. Change is good, change is inevitable, but change is hard.

Mason is 12 weeks now. I dare to say he is sleeping through the night (one night doesn't really constitute a trend yet), rolling over, grabbing objects, following people around the room with his eyes and getting stronger and stronger each day.

As the 3 day weekend approaches I am anxious. Anxious for the time I will get to spend with Mason. Anxious that Monday may come way too soon and that I will again not be able to handle the separation. And most of all, anxious for even more changes that are headed our way.

Change. Maybe change is good for me... but only in small doses and right now I feel like I have had a giant serving of it.

Only time will tell what lies ahead for our family, but please pray that my heart will be calmed and my mind will be eased. This too shall pass, it has to.