My little Cayley bug!

This past weekend was an absolute blast to say the least! I got to see the two most beautiful ladies and enjoy their laughter. Living with a man, I often forget how great it is to be around women that you love and understand. Unfortunately, in May of 2004 I went through a bit of shock when my sister, best friend, and roommate of 21years graduated from A&M, moved out of our house in College Station, and relocated to Dallas. The last 5 years have been very strange for the two of us. We have both switched our jobs a few times, got married, and moved houses. With full schedules and 4 hours between us we have missed a lot of each others' lives.

Cayley is Wendy and Greg's beautiful six month old baby girl, and let me just say that I was a little nervous going into the weekend for two reasons, both of which I explained to my sister ahead of time. Since my sister was going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding and her husband was busy coaching a high school football game, I would be in charge of Cayley for most of the weekend. My nervousness initially was because I had only been around Cayley for a limited amount of time and wasn't sure that I would know what would calm her in the event that she became upset. As the weekend approached and I started to feel more comfortable with the idea of spending time with Cayley, I started to become nervous that I might actually like spending time with her and not the other way around. Why is that a problem you might ask? Well, the fear of deciding that I might be ready for a baby was overwhelming.

Much as I had anticipated, I had a lot of fun, with absolutely nothing that I couldn't handle. I finally got to spend some quality time with my sister and the most important person in her life right now, which obviously meant the world to me.

When I got home from my trip, Chris and I were looking at the pictures from the weekend and he asked me, "So does that make you want to have kids yet or did it not?" I sort of chuckled to myself, and replied, "No." He was confused, and as he should be, what was I saying no to? I explained that I left with a pretty neutral feeling, nothing really changed inside of me. I loved spending time with Cayley and if I could guarantee that my child was as happy and easy going as Cayley, I might consider starting our family right now. However, spending the weekend "filling in for mom", toting her around, spending the night with her, experiencing her schedule and the high demand needs of a six month old also gave me a sense of reality. For good or bad, it was a great experience and really gave me a good feel for what life will be like someday as a mom.

I cannot wait until Thanksgiving to see my little Cayley bug again!

Check out the pictures from this weekend to the right!

Church and State

I read a disturbing story this morning about a young girl that ran away from home for fear of her life. The part that disturbed me was that she was scared that her own father was going to kill her because she had converted to Christianity.

The teen was threatened by her father after converting from Islam to Christianity this past summer. After fleeing from her home in Ohio in July, her parents requested that their daughter be forced to leave Florida and return to Ohio. Their wish was granted by a Florida judge this Tuesday.

While I have seen far worse than this occur over far less regarding religion, the thought of killing your own daughter sort of seems more disturbing than anything else. This family came to America for who knows what reason, but I would assume a better way of life, and yet the sheer thought of a child turning her life towards a different religion was enough to set this father off in a rage big enough to end his own daughter's life.

I do not claim to understand Islam, and I have no desire to start a heated debate about the "rights" and "wrongs" involved within each religion, however, I have a hard time believing that "Allah" would justly accept killing your own daughter over her religious freedom.

Many actually think that the mere thought, versus the action itself, is enough to be considered a sinner in most religions. With that being said, if this girl felt threatened enough by her own father to seek refuge with total strangers then I believe that this involved more than just a mere thought.

My thoughts surrounding this case are far beyond the religious aspect. Our society has tried to separate church and government so much so that we cannot prosecute a father, possibly due to his religious affiliation or because he is foreign, and instead we force a threatened daughter to return home and face a very dangerous situation that we cannot possibly understand.

What has our government come to? Let's turn the tables and say that this happened to a Christian converting to Islam in the Middle East. Would the teen be forced to return home to her Christian family? Would the government prosecute the Christian father for threatening the Islamic daughter? That is such a heated topic and loaded question. I will let you ponder and leave you with this:

Many push for the separation of church and state to protect the church from the corrupt state, while others think church should not be forced upon the citizens of the state and therefore must be separate. Perhaps both sides are wrong. Church needs to be governed by the state to protect against corruption and state needs to be governed by the church to protect the citizens.

Blessings from God

Can you imagine losing your child to an unforeseen, tragic event, maybe a car crash or a fatal disease? Probably not. In fact, studies have shown that most people never truly recover after going through the loss of a child. According to Stephen Marsh, "Many people report that immediately following their loss, they lost the ability to stand, talk and think at the same time. Severe loss is incapacitating. The period of substantial incapacity normally lasts one to three years when a child dies, nine to fifteen months for a miscarriage."

What if your child were taken from you, perhaps kidnapped by a stranger and you were forced to live out the remainder of your life not knowing where your child has gone and possibly spending all of your time trying to find them? The bond between a parent and child drives many in this situation to seek out their child with only a small glimpse of hope keeping them focused.

Now, imagine that your child has been taken from you and you know exactly where your child has gone. Would you be able to accept that you will never see your child again? Sadly this is common amongst international couples that go through a divorce and depending on which countries are involved the outlook is more often than not very bleek.

In the case of one American man, his recently divorced ex-wife took his two kids to Japan and when the father tried to bring them back home to America he was arrested and held as a prisoner in Japan. Oddly, Japanese law states that when a couple splits, one parent makes a complete and life-long break from the children.

This story was extensively covered on CNN today, and while I thought I was going to blog about coping with the loss of a child, I have suddenly realized that this entry should just be an extension to my previous blog about marriage.

Let's face it, the issue surrounding this story is not really the differences in international divorce law. The issue here is really WHY ARE THESE ADULTS GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING CHILDREN?

I will try not to harp on this for very long because I have clearly said my fair share about this, but for the sake of finishing what I have started I will say this, marriage should be entered into lightly with someone you know, trust, love and share a strong foundation with. Furthermore, parenthood should be considered only after your rock solid marriage has had time to cool off from the hot flame that was used to mold the two of you together. And finally, divorce is not an option! I realize that is a strong statement, but if you followed my previous statements you would not be at this stage anyways.

Children are blessings from God, given to us from God for a short time, and never truly ours in the first place. It is God who chooses when we will receive them, how long they will be with us, and when they will return to him. It is never our decision to keep them from the life that God has given to them, including the parents they were born to in a marriage that God has blessed.

Show & Tell

Every Tuesday night Chris and I attend an adult bible study at a couple's house that we met through church. Periodically throughout the studies we set aside nights to get to know each other better and take a break from our routine. This week we are having a "Show & Tell" night where each person brings one object that reveals something of importance about themself and then explain the significance of the object to the group.

After a week of brainstorming I found myself confused, frustrated, and a little disappointed in myself to be honest. Not only was I finding it difficult to find an object that revealed something about me, but I was having a hard time even thinking about myself at all. For some reason reflection is something that I find very difficult for myself. Actually, let me rephrase that because it is not entirely accurate. I seem to find it easy to scrape through my life with a microscope and a critical eye, but when it comes to giving people a piece of my childhood happiness, I cannot seem to put my finger on it.

About 30 minutes before our gathering I found myself at my parent's house with my mom telling me what I should bring. I cannot describe the excitement that my mom had as she pulled out a collection of items from my childhood, each with a unique story behind them. And of course with each item came my excuse to not want to share the attached story. I settled on my first FFA corduroy blue and gold jacket that I had earned through a green hand honor award and as I told the group the story about Chris and I's first meeeting while I was wearing that jacket I felt my eyes well up. Overall it was a good item to bring and revealed more about myself than I thought it would. It turns out that being in FFA is not very common for people who grew up outside of Katy. In fact, most people were in awe that I raised a pig each year and wore cowboy boots. It really puts things into perspective about what aspects of my life have really played an instrumental role in shaping me as a person. I cannot imagine my life without that 4 year experience, and as an added bonus I get to share that feeling with my husband. I am more appreciative now, knowing that I got to do something that most can hardly imagine doing. Once again I have my parents to thank for pushing me to be in a program that I otherwise would not have chosen to participate in. And who says parents are not the most important influence that a child receives?

Single... only to a greater degree

If you are married you will probably follow this blog easily, nodding in agreement, and if you are not you will need to make a mental note, some of this information might really save you some time, confusion, and let's face it, pure frustration for lack of a better word.

When I first got married there were many mornings I would stare at my husband as if he were a total stranger thinking to myself, how well do I really know him? What don't I like about him? Is he really as great as I thought he was? Will he stay this person or become what every other husband seems to become over time? I remember thinking I could not explain this feeling to anyone, and nor should I. How would that sound? Not that I ever doubted my choice to marry the man I did, but the sheer nature of marriage itself. I did not realize until a few years later that this is a natural reaction to marriage and although not everyone talks about it, most have experienced this feeling at one time or another.

The truth is... marriage can be a very scary thing! We all think we know the person we have fallen in love with and I am lucky enough to say I was right about him, but the divorce rate in America would not be as high as it is if there were not many people out there who were not right about their instincts.

This topic is fresh on my mind, maybe because I watched Jim and Pam get married on The Office last night, or perhaps because one of my best friends will be getting married soon. Suddenly I have realized that it is very hard to tell looking from the outside in, and even from the inside, whether or not two people are meant for each other.

Why do people rush into marriage? Chris and I were together for 5 years before we got married. At the time it felt like an eternity and yet looking back I know I could have waited longer but felt an urgency to be married after I graduated from college. There seems to be a pressure on women to get married, be successful at a career, and have children. Could this be the reason for such a high rate of divorce? Are women blinded by these pressures and not clearly seeing love the way God intended for it to be?

I have come up with three hard and fast rules that I think would alleviate this blurred vision (let's assume a woman's perspective for illustration purposes)...

First, do you spend more than 10% of the time thinking about how you will get him to change what he is wearing, how he wears his hair, or how long he watches football on Sunday afternoons?

Second, do you find yourself gossiping to your mom about the things he does that really irritate you or upset you?

Third, do you tell him what he should do _____ (fill in the blank) that would really be good for him, such as go to the gym, read a book, call his brother?

I think these three things could tell you a lot about yourself, your relationship, and your true feelings about your partner. If you spend time critisizing him, in your mind you are unconsciously not happy with who he is. If you gossip to your mom about his bad traits, again your true feelings about him are not favorable because most people seek approval from their parents for the things in life that they really enjoy. Lastly, you are not his mother and if you find yourself trying to be then you are not with him for the right reasons, i.e. controlling him.

These are my personal opinions, and while they are not perfect, I have found them to be mostly accurate for each successful marriage that I have witnessed.

Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti said the top reasons people get married in order are "1) to overcome loneliness, 2) to escape an unhappy parental home, 3) because they think that everyone is expected to marry, 4) because only "losers" who can't find someone to marry stay single, 5) out of a need to parent, or be parented by another person, 6) because they got pregnant, 7) because "we fell in love."

This may or may not be true but the fact that is sounds reasonable is what seems worriesome to me. My personal thoughts are that we must be careful, cautious, and slow to find our true love and not accept the first serious relationship we have as the one God intended for us to embrace.

What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him off. ~ Josh McDowell

Be who you are, say what you feel, and see everyone for who they want to be as God made them.